Wow, going away on my own with Imogen was far more taxing than going with Leigh! I was very organised though and used the baby carrier to enable me to appear to go through the airport procedures seamlessly. I had many people commenting on how well I seemed to be coping whilst at the airport but I was like a swan - OK looking on the outside but working hard behind the scenes and exhausted for it!
On the flight over there were a few women around me who were chatty and helpful. It was very noticeable though on the way back that it was mostly businessmen and they were much ruder! Imogen was a star and slept most of the flight, but there was a small moment of a few tears, not surprising as she’d been hanging about loads. I got a few filthy looks but I bet they have their own children - I also bet they’ve never tried to take their children anywhere on their own!
I had a great time and it was lovely to see my friend who had 18 month old twins, so can appreciate that however hard it gets; a single baby is easier than two! At least I can tackle challenges like flying on my own, not much chance of that with twins!
At last, I have found a great nursery in the right town that has the right space and Imogen is booked in!
It was touch and go for a while - the only just had spaces for babies as they have moved them into a larger room. When I went there though (after being cancelled twice due to staff sickness!?) I was told they’ve been taken over and the babies are moving to a much smaller room so there may not be space after all. After a week of waiting, they are leaving the babies in the larger room so all is well, at last!
Have confirmed my return to work date and now just counting down. It all seems a lot more real now I am talking about my time left in weeks and I’m determined to make the most of it - although the list of jobs to do ‘whilst I’m off’ seems to be growing! It’s important to me though that Imogen and I spend quality time together in these last few weeks!
I have now visited more than 20 nurseries within a 40 mile radius at least of home. The problem is I also have a 45 minute commute to my office, so I need to try to minimise the amount of extra detours to a nursery, for both our benefits as the last thing I imagine Imogen (or I!) will want to do after a long day at nursery is sit in a lot of traffic!
I can’t believe the difference in quality of nuseries. You can just get a feeling as soon as you walk in and there are plenty with fantastic facilities but no enthusiasm from the staff - it’s such a hard balance. I’ve decided I need to be more flexible, especially as 95% of those I have visited don’t actually have any spaces!
It’s incredibly stressful as well. Each time I phone a new place I have to wait one to two weeks to visit and then when I get there something has always let it down. Like the one where half the babies were covered in mess and half dressed, or the one where you had to take your own food, or the one that could only do two days a week instead of four, apart from one month in the year!
I didn’t know this was going to be so hard!
I thought I was being excessively organised to visit and register on the waiting lists of about seven nurseries way back in September, before Imogen was more than a large bump! However, all of those nurseries still have no place and I am told I am unlikely to get a place until next summer. What a nightmare!
There’s pressure on me from myself, work and also financially to go back to work, but I’ve been finding it impossible to find childcare for Imogen - or at least a nursery I like.
Back to the drawing board with widening the search - need desperately to find something suitable earlier. May even need to consider a child minder, which isn’t an issue, I just prefer a nursery at this age to ensure she has the interaction with lots of other children and people. I think as well, secretly, I worry she will prefer the child minder to me if there is only one person taking care of her - more paranoia about returning to work, no doubt!
Well, I think I’ve now had every debate mentally with myself about the pros and cons of returning to work. Overall, I know it’s the best for me and also for Imogen as I believe nurseries are great environments for babies. I know that personally, if I stayed at home Imogen would come out with me as I try to do my chores as she does now and whilst there is some level of stimulation for her in this, it won’t interest her forever; it rarely interests me!
Plus it will give me some time on my own and I truly find work enjoyable - or at least I did! This is the hardest bit to write in black and white as it makes me feel like a traitor to motherhood to even suggest that time away from my baby may be a good idea. However, I know it’s what is right for our family and will work for us - and if it doesn’t, then I can change things later!
Also, I am fortunate enough to be able to go back to work 4 days a week and am really looking forward to spending that 5th day with Imogen, avoiding chores and indulging us with activities we can do together.
The keeping in touch day really helped as well as the lack of confidence I suddenly found myself with in a business environment has been tackled. Although I’m sure the first day back will be like starting school all over again!?
